I have Norman Rockwell images of my family in my head all the while wishing to be on a beach living in a shack chasing one reef after the next. My time is spent juggling work options and opportunities all the while mourning the loss of my mother/father and realizing the major changes that are occurring all around. My brother-in law is desperately battling cancer, and one of my staff members just let me know they are very ill. I am seeing peoples lives change and clearly being able to see what they should do. Separating myself in a pragmatic way. Looking at business opportunities and dreaming of what I could do all without making a damned move myself. I am not young anymore and never will be again.
Busyness and noise, activity and slothfulness, coffee, social media, beautiful kids and bride, time spinning away as I seem to be a spectator of much and a participant of little. Seeking to engage in the real. Seeking to be who and what I am already seems like a circular journey. When I am here I imagine there. Makes me think of the scene in "Joe vs the Volcano" when he is told he has a brain cloud.
Maybe I have one.
I have nothing to complain about, as I am blessed beyond measure. I have a myriad of choices for whats next in my life and my gut is pulling me to not commit to any one but to commit to all in a way. Knowing me, the blinding choice is clear but I don't want to see. Lack of a decision is a decision, and maybe a bad one. or not.
The adventure is fun, not being afraid of what is to come, and being open to what's next. Maybe my mind will lock in when the right thing arrives so I don't miss it in all the self created noise.
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