Lens

It's interesting to hear someone else tell your story.

So I've always felt I had a pretty good grip on my story.  My life, my history - where I've been and what I've done. Some memories for me are painful, and there has been more joy than I can count, but each one helped to create the person that exists now.

As I've gotten older it seems with each new thing I learn, something else in my brain fades away. It may be a persons name or an event. Feels like my brain is only about the size of a small box, and as new things get added to that box, something falls out. Trouble is, I am in no way in control of what falls out.  What is lost may be something from deep in my past, or it could be the new persons name I heard just moments ago.  Mostly I can confirm that those items dark and somber in my past are still there - lurking in the synapses, unwilling to fade away. There is no ranking of significance for what decides to depart the box.

Recently my memory has been tested at a 30 yr class reunion, where I read peoples name on their shirts, smiled and nodded because the name was "familiar", then realized I could not place the person at all.  Many that were there I knew well and could have told you who they were without a name tag, but others were a vague blur.  After 30 yrs, many people remembered me, and others I could see the same eye glaze as they wondered if I actually attended the same school.  Gheez.

Last night, after 30 yrs, I finally reconnected with my best friend from high school. Combined we had 60 years of life between us neither had known. Kids, marriage, jobs, parents deaths, brothers and sisters, connections, health issues, you name it. Over a long dinner, and many drinks on the back patio we laughed and chatted. I think the most I learned though was about my life 30 yrs ago, through my friends eyes.

From his perspective, I lived a far different life.

He remembered almost fantastical stories that would best be immortalized in stylized comics. My life, through his lens, was something of a Andy Griffith Show meets 300 meets Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  When I heard how he told what he remembered, I was pretty convinced he had the wrong guy, because that guy sounded like someone I would have dreamt of being.  My friend though was pretty convinced my life was just that cool and great. My life was full and colorful, gregarious, and easily travelled. Evidently it was always sunny being me, I had tons of friends, and things just always came easy to me.  Either I was "that guy" and I have forgotten,  or I wasn't and my friends memory box is overfull, or, I was just pretty good at pretending. None of it was the mostly lonely kid I remember.

I think we all see each other in different ways. I saw my friend differently than he saw himself, and he saw me as someone I could not imagine.  The truth is somehow blended in the middle of our views, how we see ourselves, and how others see us.  The compilation of random glimpses and inferences, moments in time captured. Some may only see the exterior facade we allow, while others can see through that to the real you beneath. The lens that we each look through colors and twists our views to the perspective we want to see. It sharpens and yet many times blurs the lines between what is real and what is not.

One thing is for certain - the conversations last night have got me thinking really deeply about myself, and how I view others. If what I "think" about others are a skewed projection, or is it really the clear reality of the person.  It also has me thinking about how I am being perceived - and what you see when you see me.  This morning I am just hoping this memory is not one of those items that fall out of that small small box.

Elevate from the ignorance

I've been blessed to travel all over the United States and the World. I've seen some amazing places and more importantly met some fantastic people. Different cultures, traditions, foods, drinks & music make this world a very interesting place. It's hard to imagine how much I have learned from others... absorbing just a little bit of each persons background as I meet them and engage into what is really local.  The adventure of my eyes and heart seems to always hit a speed bump when  my new friends ask me this simple question: " So, where are you from?"

It seems simple enough and I have been very proud to answer that I am from Hot Springs, Arkansas.

The issues really come in when my new found friends find out where I live - it is how they respond.  Here is just a small sampling of what people have said directly to me.

• "So you drive a truck and gun rack and eat squirrels for breakfast" - London
• "Don't all people from Arkansas go barefoot and are pregnant? "- Arizona
• "Why would anyone live there? Isn't it all mobile homes and people with 19 kids?" - Sweden
• "I didn't know there was internet in Arkansas" - New York
• "You aren't married to your sister are you?" - California
• "That's where you can't float a river without the banjo playing Deliverance scene" - Germany
• " Wow, I've never met a hillbilly before! " -Amsterdam

There are many more - and it's a repeating pattern. Somehow, most people I meet know so little about Arkansas that they believe only the negative stereotype. Most have never been here - most never will. 

It is true that Arkansas has it's share of negative, some historical, some present. We need to own our past as history and work hard to change the baggage of today. But more than the negative, we really do have much to be proud of, yet how to overcome the negative stereotype in the world. 

Personally I struggle with just how to respond when someone so directly makes a disparaging remark about where I live.  My wife reminds me to take the high road and always remember that these people just have little awareness of anything more than a tabloid headline.  Many times, I just want to strike back, but I know that would get me nowhere. Rising above their ignorance has become a standard practice as I travel. 

I don't think that all people in Louisiana live like the Swamp People on TV, nor do I think everyone in Amsterdam is a hooker/drug addict, and not everyone in California a surfer or an actor.  It's pretty shallow to cast broad strokes about a city/state based on a very limited view.  Just imagine if people believed that everyone in New Jersey was like Snookie because of Jersey Shore.  Sad. 

Embrace places that are different from where you live. Learn about more than the surface headlines. Hear the hearts of the locals, and assume that there must be more to the area than what you saw on a reality TV show. 

Getting lost in an ideal

Agile. It's a good thing. Right?

At Agile2011 in Salt Lake City I was reminded of the roots of the Agile Manifesto during the park bench sessions, where most of the original signers showed up and answered questions. It was a really well done presentation with some nice banter, some light moments, and a few self realizations by the signers that was great to watch. What happened on stage was good, but what was troubling was many of the peoples reaction to being in the presence of the signatories.

I heard this very distinct quote from one man as he looked me wildly in the eyes "My life is complete now, I can die a happy man"  Echoes of similar sentiment were heard in the crowd as I exited the event.

Not all in attendance had that exact reaction, but more and more I am seeing people in a radical/religious persuit of this ideal to "be agile". For many, the ultimate goal is to reach some metaphysical zen like state of agility, and then and only then, will they be worthy.  I know some that have multiple coaches that speak into their lives helping to re-enforce the agility and remove anything waterfall-ish. Trouble is, many in this category seem to forget about getting things done.

Its about how we work, and how we deliver value. Getting product faster to market, being able to adapt to change faster, working in more collaborative way, delivering quality and enjoying what we do.

Agile coaches can strive to help a client become "agile" and miss the glaringly most important thing - getting stuff done/delivering value. Coaches should help clients/teams deliver value more quickly, and personally I feel agile is one of the best ways. It seems some of the messed up client expectations start with the coaches assessment where they give the client a ranking in agility. I've seen many different kinds of these and they all boil down to things like" B+ in ceremonies" " C- in product backlogs" " 75% in team velocity" Phrases like these can set a false sense of expectations in a client that the goal is to be an A or 100% in agile. In doing this we are focusing on the wrong thing, it's about results.

Agile is a tool. Don't be in love with the tool, be in love with what the tool can accomplish. No one makes a journey to see the men who created the pipe wrench, but they wouldn't think of tackling a sink repair without one.

Lift

On a recent plane trip, the Delta inflight entertainment had all the typical far off destinations, the reasons to love Delta, and a few re-runs of TV sitcoms. Peppered through this there was one line that struck me enough that I wrote it down. It was something like this: " Airplanes know they cannot run with the wind, they must face it head first. They have to run into the wind to take off"

What a good reminder.

All too often we as human beings take the easy way, the path of least resistance in our daily lives and then wonder why things are in a rut. In teams we hide behind process and titles, letting the elephants in the room rule and control our work, keeping us from reaching our potential. In a word we are "Sheep".
 
Change-agent. Thinker. Dreamer. Visionary. Leader.  People that fit those titles understand that you cannot always just go with the flow. Leaders step out and up. They step into the darkness of uncertainty, into the chaos, and become the change agents. They understand that to take off you must go into the wind.

Pick your time to fly. To be that element of change within your team, your marriage, that circle of friends. Go into the wind.

Lift.

Gamla Stan

There are some very unique places in the world that I have been fortunate enough to visit. The most recent has been Stockholm Sweden. 

In visiting a place we not only travel with our eyes, but with all of our other senses. It is an emersion of food, smells, people, conversations, climate that really make up a travel experience going far beyond the scope of just a simple photograph.  

Take the one to the right for instance that I snapped just yesterday evening. You may simply see a very narrow alley dropping steeply to the road below. For me, I also feel the cold wind off the Baltic sea rushing through this narrow slot almost blowing me over, I hear the sound of the people walking the cobblestone streets behind me, and I smell the bakery nearby. Also the pain is still in my wallet from the all-to expensive lunch that occurred just shortly before.

Photos are great, but can be empty without the context of a life lived within that moment. 

Gamla Stan Stockholm was a step back in time to around 1250. The city is a collection of 40 islands connected with bridges built on firm bedrock. Cobblestone streets, eclectic cafe's, wine cellars, antique shops, and people that almost always shared a smile and a friendly word. My daily adventures of walking and exploring had me seeing new things everyday, or seeing old things new. I dined in pubs that have been open since 1424 -to-modern turkish kebob shops.  It is a antique modern city that appears to have moved past its viking roots with parts that feel much more like New York City. This is not a place to visit without a healthy travel budget as many items cost 2-3x the typical price as in the USA, thanks in part to their solid Swedish Kronor (and not adopting the euro).

But it was a 2 week adventure I'll carry with me for a long time. 

I am on my journey home at this moment, suitcase by my side sitting at the airport anxiously awaiting joining my family again, and preparing to take them through the one dimensional color images of a 4 dimensional experience.  

Change

Change is difficult for some, more difficult for others.

In an organization, the individuals resistance or willingness to change is many times proportional  to that individuals comfort level in themselves. As team members get older and set in their way, comfortable in "the way they have always done it" many times this blocks them from opening their minds to the possible of what better may come. You even see this in churches, as people sit in the same seat over and over again, and don't you dare try and sit in it one sunday morning.

People are creatures of habit.. but do they have to be?

As I have gotten older many changes have happened in my life, some by my choosing, others not. I have reacted poorly to some and better to others, but through all of them I've worked hard to answer the question " So , what can you learn from this?" Many times it took someone other than myself to help me see the learning needed.  What I found out many times stung a bit, applying a magnifying glass  to the areas of "me" that I thought I hid pretty well.

The core learning for me was to embrace change.

Learning to see any change as an opportunity to grow, to learn, to make a difference, to become a better me, takes effort. Natural reaction for me (and most) was to sulk, or to harbor bad feelings, but those actions only ever caused me to live in the past and never see what was next. Seeing change, good or bad, as an opportunity is freeing and empowering. It is the open window when the door shuts. Embracing change is a mindset that takes effort and practice.

I am guessing the blue haired woman on the pew left of the isle has not practiced much.

the minus is common

It's been 2 weeks since I have arrived in Tallinn and I must say each new day brings something pleasant. I have to admit I knew little of this part of the world when I arrived, and being here has intrigued me to explore even more. 

Quaint coffee shops, medieval restaurants and stone walls, people bundled to the eyeballs in furs, and unique shops around each corner. The people here are genuine and much more of nordic decent than I knew. 

Currently the very cold is making it hard for me to get the energy to really explore much more than a few blocks from the hotel. My eyes freeze open in the cold wind and the snow falls each day anew. Forecasts show the high temps always with a minus symbol (-). I hardly can think of the low temps. 

In general there are still people roaming the streets, ducking in and out of the shops and cafe's. I can just imagine the cobblestone streets in the summer when the cafes have outside dining and the streets are full of tourists. 

Surprisingly there is still a large amount of outdoor vendors lining the old city walls and in the handmade crafts area. Predominantly women with handmade sweaters, hats and gloves for sale - dusted with snow. They are beautiful but a 100% wool item would be wasted on my return home.  Not shocking is the number of t-shirts available is near zero. 

Food has been a joy. 

Typically Estonian food is hard for me to put my finger on. I have eaten at several places claiming to be "typical" but all are slightly different.  The staple items tend to be the basic meat and potatoes.  Pork cutlets and boiled potatoes, sauce ( gravy), carrot or beet salad, and the ubiquitous pickle. I have also has a very nice stuffed baked chicken breast with sun dried tomatoes and mozzarella cheese that a waiter claimed was " very Estonian" - I am not so sure, although it was excellent. Basically, I've had really nothing that wasn't good except one attempt at a pumpkin soup that reminded me strangely of dish detergent. ( one bite was enough)

One week left. The temperatures may be always in the minus category, but for me this place really has been a plus.